The Talk
by odalys-ortiz
Summary: John and Joss sit down and have a long overdue conversation. Takes place after God Mode. Careese as always:D


Disclaimer: Does not belong to me. Thanks to the numerous plot holes, this story was born.

 _Pre A/N: So yeah, once again started thinking about what John meant by the last time they talked in Liberty. It never made any sense how they had them separated for 2 months after such an experience that was not only Rikers but the bomb vest. Suddenly in S3, everything is all peachy with only that line hinting at them sitting down and chatting about things which we never even got a flashback for. I'm baffled as to how this isn't important for the characters but let's make another Shaw centric episode that talks about her months of captivity. I don't get why people need 45 minutes for something that could be told in 15 minutes. Anyways, that's how I came up with this. Please forgive as this is unbeta'd and my brain isn't exactly organized. Enjoy:D_

* * *

The Talk

Joss stirred the sugar into her lukewarm coffee, having no intention of drinking it and instead needing some kind of distraction as she waited for the person she was meeting. She looked around Lyric diner, noticing that there weren't too many people this time of night. It had been what she had planned on when she asked John to meet her here. After the few hours of radio silence, he had called her back to let her know that the situation he had mentioned to her had finally been resolved.

She had been happy for him, seeing how John looked when they met in the alley. A different man has been standing before her, one that looked tired and helpless which was a word she never associated with John. Even in the worse situations, the man had been resourceful. She was surprised when he had quickly agreed to meet her so quickly. Taylor was at a friend's house so she didn't have to worry about heading home to make him dinner. It would allow her to focus all her attention on this conversation. Joss's finger started tapping the side of the cup. She was anxious because this would be the first time that they would be able to talk about what needed to be talked about without interruption. They had been distant for 2 months and she didn't like how it felt to not see his annoying smirk or have their flirtatious banter. It was understandable what he did since he had been through a lot thanks to not only being locked up at Rikers but his psycho ex-partner Kara strapping him in a bomb vest. What really hurt was how he acted during the phone call not too long ago. He sounded angry and distant. It wasn't like him and she wished with her entire being that she knew was he was feeling at that moment.

Her eyes went to the door, hoping to see his large frame enter. They had agreed to meet at 8 since during this time of night, there would have some privacy from the lack of patrons. When Joss didn't see him yet, she looked down to her side at her phone that was sitting on her purse to see it was only 8:05. Sighing, her finger restarted its tapping as she stirred the coffee.

"I do believe that you have stirred that enough Detective."

Joss slightly jumped at the familiar voice that was behind her. Much like their first meeting, John had managed to get the drop on her. He walked just past her so he could slip into the booth across from her.

She noticed he looked more relaxed than before. "It's not Detective anymore John. As of today, I'm demoted to patrol."

At the news, John's expression turned grim. He had been made aware by Finch that Joss's number had come up while they were away but didn't know exactly what happened. "I'm sorry Joss. It's my fault." He felt the urge to punch something because he had let her down.

"I get it" she interrupted, trying to be open so that he would be open to tell her what was going on when he was ready. "You had to help Finch."

He disregarded the statement. "No Joss, I told you that you wouldn't be alone and I broke my promise." John couldn't help but feel horrible because of the circumstances. When the virus infected the Machine, it just caused one bad thing after another to happen. The last thing he wanted was for Joss to get hurt but somehow she did and he wasn't there for her.

She stood up a little straighter and put her hands together in front of her. "That's why I wanted us to meet, to get everything we need to out in the open okay?" John nodded as the waitress came up to take his order, which ended up being a coffee too. When she left, Joss put a strand of hair behind her ear before focusing on the man in front of her. "John, what happened? To us? After Rikers you just disappeared and I don't know what I did wrong to have you push me away like you did."

John sighed, mentally preparing himself for this conversation. He knew he had been wrong for pushing her away, for thinking that he could know exactly what was best for her. "Well, I already know you won't like the answer I have for you Joss but hear me out before you kneecap me okay?"

"That depends" she answered simply, giving him a chance to get his side out. They both knew that he wouldn't be able to lie to her since she was an army interrogator after all.

"It's because I almost cost you your livelihood, your family. I never wanted you to feel obligated to help me to the extent that you did when I was in Rikers. Harold told me about what you did, with the DNA. The reason why I asked you to help us was because I felt like you were someone we could trust but it was only when we helped other people. As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't have had anything to do with whatever Finch was planning. I'm not that important for you to risk everything."

Joss grew angry but kept her voice lowered as to not attract any unwanted attention. Instead, she expressed her anger by furiously tapping her index finger on the space in front of her. "John…how could you think that? Any of what you just told me. I mean, I consider us friends, don't you?"

"I do" he answered without hesitation.

"And friends would do anything in their power to help each other. You have to understand that. I could have always said no but I didn't."

They grew quiet again when the waitress came by to drop off the coffee he had ordered before disappearing again. Once she was out of earshot, they continued. "It's not that. Finch crossed the line when he asked you to do those things. It ended up having you in the back of a van in handcuffs. I never wanted that to happen to you."

Joss sighed at his logic, pinning everything that happened on him. "You forget that I didn't have to meet you on the bridge when you asked me too. We both knew it was too soon but we did it anyway. That was my fault too. Again, I could have decided against it but I didn't because I wanted to see you, make sure you were okay since you had gotten pretty beat up."

John laid his hands flat on the table, fighting the urge to reach across the table to grab hers. He remembered the tender look in her eyes, even when they had gotten arrested. She never looked at him differently, going so far as to defend what they had done and his character to Donnelly. He didn't deserve her. "And what about Kara? She killed Donnelly without hesitation. If she had even the slightest suspicion you were still alive, she'd have done the same to you. I hurt you because my past caught up to me. After everything that happened, I don't even deserve this chance to explain myself." But John was grateful to her for giving it to him.

"And what about Stills?" Joss threw back; her mind going back to that night when she was searching for the body with Bear as her only companion. It was cold and dreary. She shouldn't have been out there but she couldn't just sit back and let Fusco get in trouble because she knew that was all HR's doing. She had her suspicions for a while that Fusco hadn't been responsible for his death. He didn't look like the kind of guy to just turn against someone for profit. Joss saw the better of the man, the man that loved his son and wanted to make him proud by catching the bad guy. It was the same as how she felt with Taylor.

"I killed him to protect someone and forced Lionel to bury the body to work for me. I wanted him to keep a close eye on you because you had deemed me public enemy number one at that time." John found himself smile a little at the memory of their cat and mouse game.

Even though Joss didn't like what she heard, she felt her anger towards him slowly slip away. She knew he wouldn't purposely kill someone without a reason. That was who he was and she believed him when he told her that he had to do it to protect someone. "Thank you for being honest with me John. Next time though, you need to just tell me what's going on. I've been worried about you too."

John nodded his head in acknowledgement, "That problem we were having is fixed now." John was glad that the Machine was finally working again. He was getting tired of being too late, especially when it came to Joss.

Joss finally took a sip out of her coffee, grimacing at the now cold liquid before putting it back down and leaving it alone. "Okay. No more feeling guilty for anything that happened to me okay John. I know you needed time but don't do it again because you are trying to do what's best for me. I can handle myself remember."

John wanted to tell her that he couldn't help feeling guilty for everything that happened to her. He thought that if he had just disappeared, she would be okay. It had been a mistake to think that and John fought the urge to see her some days because he just missed her presence. "I'm sorry about Beecher." He said again.

Joss nodded her head, accepting his condolences. "I know HR is responsible for what happened. And not just that but what happened to me and Fusco."

John could hear the determination in her voice. "Just say the word and we'll help you any way we can." He was going to be there for her no matter what from now on."

"Thanks John, not just for the offer but just clearing everything up with me." She knew that he would offer the help but this time, she was going to try and keep him out of this mission. Joss owed it to Cal to take down HR and she would do it on her own terms. This wasn't something that John needed to be involved in. As much as she enjoyed his company, she thought it was time to wrap up this meeting. "I should head home, got to get up early for my first shift tomorrow."

John knew that this was only the first step in repairing their friendship and he had no longer had the fear of never seeing her again. As she started gathering her things, John reached across the table and took her hand which caught her by surprise. He was silently giving her the strength to keep going, much like she had for him countless times. Nothing was said; instead she gave his hand a gentle squeeze that not only took from him but gave back as well while enjoying his warmth.

Reluctantly breaking apart, Joss slid up from her seat. "See you tomorrow for breakfast?" She asked while readjusting her purse.

"Always" was his simple, yet meaningful answer. He then waited for her to leave before heading out and walking in the opposite direction to his apartment.

* * *

Post A/N: I want to thank everyone for checking out the story. It is the constant support that inspires not only me but others to keep on writing. Next month will be the 2 year anniversary so #JossCarterIsEternal will be back:D


End file.
